hetamania
by yaoi.net
Summary: hetalia... talkshow... please read it! this is a talkshow made by me, for the countries of the world, its all fun and games here!   rated t till further notice!
1. Chapter 1

Hello desu!~ in no way, shape, or form do i own hetalia desu!~ Hi... this is a hetalia talkshow ill try to make different characters on the show regularly.  
>though, i'll most likely only update on weekends, so dont exepect to much (if any at all) during weekdays.<br>so, to top it off, send me ideas of who you want on the show, and questions to ask the country on stage! (also, we might be able to have a special video of that country doing something funny/yaoi/etc. occasionaly)  
>oh, and i might take this down... so enjoy it while you can! (I will be looking for 2 hosts to help me along with the show, so pm me if you want to be one!)<p>

the first country on hetamania is North Italy-san!~ Alice (me!): Hello Italy-san, are you exited to be on hetamania?  
>: Yes! I bet all the hosts are gonna be super cute ve!~ Alice: but what if they're boys?<br>N. Italy: ve~?


	2. Of woes and pasta

Alice: Hello~

This is your horribly lazy author-sama…. I don't deserve to be called sama UWAHH!~

Italy: ve~? Author-sama~?

Alice: UWAAAAAAAAH!~

Italy: uh… uh… author-sama, author-sama! You can make it up to your amazing readers and reviewers by updating regularly from now on ve~! And…. Oh! And having me answer all the question asked up to now ve~!

Alice: yes. I will! *determined face* so, I'm pretty sure my hostess'-in-arms have given up on me *totally deserves it* so I'm up for hosts….

But I'll still answer your questions!

Ok, so this is from DragonRiderEmily:

QUESTIONS FOR MY ITALIAN FRIEND!1. We are friends, right?2. Will you try my Pasta?3. Can you dance?4. Why are you so ditzy?5. Do you like My Little Pony?6. Have you ever dreamed of being a unicorn or a Pegasus?

Italy:

Yes ve~! I like friends~!

Of course~! I love pasta~!

Yes, I can totally dance ve~! I was even on a show about it with Germany~!

Why am I what? VE DOITSU, DOITSU I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE WORD MEANS~!

Alice: o-okay Veinciano, it's okay, don't worry, kay? Kay? QUIT CRYING!

Italy: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH~!

Alice: it's okay, it's okay! You don't have to answer the question if you don't want to!

Italy: (Q _ Q ) r-really?

Alice: yes.

Italy: Then I choose to skip everything and go eat pasta ve~!

Alice: you're not allowed to do that!

Italy: b-but you said-

Alice: Klappe halten und setzen Sie sich jetzt.

Italy: I don't know what you said….

Alice: you don't need to.

Italy: (O _ O)

Alice: okie-dokie!~ this is from AILOVE-withcake:

What's your relationship with Germany?

Italy: Germany's my bestest friend ever ve~!

Alice: … only friends?

Italy: ve~?

*Alice's phone rings*

Alice: yes?

Macy: what the crap! I said no corrupting Italy you butt-turd!

Alice: I know you're a major Italy fan, but shut up.

Macy: (; _ ;) you're so mean…

Alice: no, Im German

*Alice hangs up*

Alice: *eyes Italy* sooo… next question, yes?

Italy: are you sure you're not Russian?

Alice: this is from southitalyFTW:

questions do you like the hostess-san?cause i think she sounds nice...

Italy: uh… uh…

Alice: well… Veinciano….?

Italy: yes, I like hostess-san!

Alice: that's hostess-SAMA to you!

Italy: *whispers* but she's a little scary…

Alice: so, I hope I made up for my absence in some way, the next person on the show will be Romano (and Spain!~)

Italy: bye everyone!~

Alice: *waves* astala- bye-bye~!

.


	3. hazzah

Alice: hi everyone…. *is in depression mode* Today I realized what a material world we live in… my grandpa spent like, 30 minutes lecturing my pregnant sister about how she should wear more makeup because "guys like girls who do themselves up real pretty" the whole time I was thinking " shut the fuck up gramps. I mean she's fucking engaged who gives a care?" Im not in the mood for Romano… but I promised Roma, and Roma you shall get! *hopes some of Spain's optimism will rub off on me*

Oh, and yay for not breaking promises!

Spain: Hola Amigos! Me and Roma have come to answer your question today~!

Romano: shut the-

Alice: *sticks tomato in Romano's mouth* take your own advise dipshit.

Romano: *respect*

Spain: (O 3 O) AH~! You have tomatoes!

Alice: so, these questions are from DragonRiderEmily, who I don't want to rip the head off of, because she reviews and junk, and people who review my stories are safe for now.

YAY~! UPDATE! :DHi Romano! Spain! *hugs*QUESTIONS!Romano:1. What do you think of your brother? I find him kinda annoying ^^"2. What about Spain?3. Anyone you like in particular?4. BE MY NII-CHAN!Spain:1. What's it like being friends with Prussia and France?2. Is there anything going on between you and Romano? *Onhonhon~!* ACK! GO AWAY FRANCE!3. Besides tomatoes, what's your favorite food?THAT IS ALL I GOT! BUH BYE!

Alice: *smiles* yay~ you don't hate me~!

Romano: uh-uh yeah whatever…

Spain Hola~! *hugs back* Romaaaa~ how come your never mean to the ladies~?

Romano: because ladies are cute. Unlike you.

Spain (Q 3 Q) WAH~! Roma~! You're so mean

Romano: he's okay, I guess… yes he's very annoying but it's not that bad….

Alice: *whispers to Romano*

Romano: NO! I do not have a fucking brother complex!

Alice: liar…

Romano: ahem, I will now ignore the PMS-ing bitch of a host we have.

Alice: *glare*

Romano: Spain is the most fucking annoying person I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. Including that guy with the chicks haircut that the Canadian gut hangs out with.

Spain: Aw Roma~ you don't mean that, do you~?

Romano: yes. I do. And no. no one I like in particular.

Spain: *huggles Romano* Ah~ Roma You're in denial~

Romano: *blushes* n-no I'm not! Bastard!

Alice: *takes pictures for Hungary's yaoi fanclub*

Romano: No. I cant just magically be part of your family you know. *mumbles to Emily* bring me some tomatoes and we'll talk.

Spain: Yay~! Questions for me~!

Well, they're good friends! Franny's fun to talk to and you can't be bored with Prussia!

But… sometimes they try to touch my Roma… I don't like that…

Alice/Romano: *shivers*

Alice: uh… Romano….? Has anything happened recently?

Romano: *hides in a totally manly way* uh… j-just that… um… I haven't heard from Prussia much since the incident last week..

Alice: I-is that why he couldn't make it to the show…?

Romano: Oh dio…

Spain: *turns to Alice* my Roma… *smiles*

Alice: eep! *is seriously reconsidering being a Romano fan girl*

Spain: Yes~! Me and Roma are in love~!

Romano: no we aren't!

Spain; Franny, be gentle!

Alice: what the heck… NO EMILY NOOOOOOOOOOO~!

Spain: I like chorizo sausage!

Alice: bye~! My quest of temporary happiness has been fulfilled!~

I love you all! *joins hands with France* lets go spread le amore!~

u-uh omigawd… n-not in that way…. O-OH GOTT! *is scarred for life*


	4. that one russian guy

Alice: IM BACK BWAHAHAHAHAHA… and diseased…. (;_;)

But don't worry, its just impetigo!

Russia: you introduce me now, da?

Alice: y-yes… uh.. This… this is fearful Russia-sama! (I have to admit- I'm like a friggen Baltic state (state? They're countries~!) when it comes to Russia)

Russia: ok~! So now that the little peoples out there know who I am we can start, da?

Alice: uh… well…

Russia: I _said_ we can start now, _da_?

Alice: Eep! O-of course!

So here's some questions from DragonRiderEmily-sama:

:DDD HE IS MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE CHARACTER IN THE WHOLE WORLD!So I'll ask him some questions, da?1. How's Belarus? ^^2. What's your favorite color?3. What is it with you and sunflowers? I love them too!4. Will you be mine? PWEASE~?Oh, and Alice? *hands tomatoes* Give those to Romano so he can be my big brother, kay?*glomps Russia* I've gotta go~! Buh bye, mon amies!

Russia: *shiver* Belarus is fine, but we can leave that topic alone, da?

My favorite color is red! Not only is it the color of blood, but China says it's the color of good luck! And China likes it, and I like china~!

Sunflowers are beautiful, da? They make me happy~! I'm so glad you like them too, but… I don't see anything not to like!

Um.. I have to object, it must be vise-versa. You be mine, thus become one! I can't be yours because then I wouldn't be Russia anymore, da? (v . v)

Alice: *takes tomatoes* okie-dokie I'll have France (my assistant) send it to him via Gilbird.

(the most awesome way to deliver mail ever!)

Russia: heeheehee~! Bye-bye~!

Alice: …Russia?

Russia: da?

Alice: I have some of my own questions for you to answer.

Russia: do you now?

Alice: uh.. Ye-… d-da!

Russia: oh you talk in Russian? How cute~!

Alice: …uh.. um… spasibo…?

Russia: *pats head*

Alice: (./.) um… anyway so my question is

do you regret selling Alaska to America?

Russia: nyet. He was so annoying, always complaining…

Alice: ok… bye everyone~!

Russia: da, bye-bye~!

**Meanwhile somewhere in Italy;**

Southern Italy is taking a walk.

He looks up at the sky and sees a swarm of yellow birds holding a crate.

He then realizes it's heading towards him , and starts running away Italian style.

However, his speed was no match for the awesomeness that is gilmail.

The birds dropped the crate while he stared up in horror.

"oh shi-"

**A/N: **This chapter is so short… but wait, since when are my chapters not short…?

Meh, blame I blame Canada (I've been listening to the song 'blame Canada')

Anyway, the next victim- AHAHAHAHA… did I say _victim_? Pshhhh… no, they're guests who I totally don't tie up afterwards and keep in my basement!

Anyhow, it'll be Japan! I'm totally looking forward to invading his personal space~!

*in no way do I have anything against Alaska*


	5. Japan takes stage!

OMAKE THEATRE

About three days prior to the talk show

Alice: Japan! Japan! Lets watch some scary movies~!

Japan: a-ah Sohma-san… are you sure…?

Alice: DANGGIT JAPAN! WHEN I SAY LETS WATCH SCARY MOVIES I MEAN IT!

Japan: (ㅍ_ㅍ) ….

Alice: ACKNOWLEDGE ME~!

Japan: Okay, Sohma-san lets go watch the grudge.

Alice: I am strong. I am strong. I am- OHMAIGAWD IT'S A MYSTERIOUS WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!

Japan: (ㅍ_ㅍ) o o O (she really is American)

IN PRESENT TIME!

Japan: *taps on Alice's shoulder*

Alice: OMIGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWD

Japan: are you okay?

Alice: …

Japan: S-sohma-san!

Alice: *snore*

Japan: uh.. Sohma-san wake up.

Alice: h-huh? Okay… so this is from southitalyFTW who I met through the most cliché thing ever… turns out, I already knew her and then, I heard her talking about fan fiction and junk and at the end it was a blooming friendship which… happened about a month after my first update… if it wasn't for her I probable wouldn't even had updated at all….

**hello author-sama~It was nice meeting you~!youre a cute russia cosplayer *blush*so, anyway the whole host thing right? have you madeup my appearence? can i still be a host?*hugs* i shall claim you as my wife!**

**anyway, questions for japan:turns out author-sama is a fujoshi, so you should give her some doujinsalso, uh...i have a feeingi'll be seeing you often if i get to be a host. France is away on business trip and Author-sama needs a fill in *gives some salted salmon* if you give me full custody of author-sama it's all yours **

Alice: it's okay you know, you don't have to call me author-sama, because you… are special~! :3

d-danke… You're a good Canada cosplayer~

*hugs back*

Oh… um *makes something off the top of my head*

Also, why do you insist on a boy character when you're a girl? I mean you're really feminine, too!

But fine, whatever.

Name: Ruslan

Appearance: brown Hong Kong style hair, green eyes, wearing a pair of jeans, a hero T-shirt, a long black jacket that covers your hands, and sneakers

Likes: talking, cosplaying, eating, drawing/reading doujins, and pandas

Dislikes: awkward silences, and dogs

Yes, you can still be a host *claps hands and Ruslan appears*

u-um… ok.. I guess *blushes and mumbles* wifey…

Japan: ah, I see Hungary-chan will be more than happy to let her borrow some, I'm sure.

Oh, I have not heard of that yet, but I'm willing to accept the position.

Um… well, you see… Author-sama has been living with me for a while now… and, I cant just throw her out. Besides, you two are of the same age, which means you can't be her guardian, correct?

But, arigato for the salmon.

Ruslan: so Alice *smirks at japan* whatcha' wanna do now?

Alice: u-uh… I want cake!

Japan: I'll go cook… strawberry, right?

Ruslan: no, you go sit at the desk and look pretty. C'mon Alice

Alice: okay Ruslan~!

[unknown to the two, when Japan sat down at the desk, he punched the wall ,creating a huge dent, also signaling jealousy and the beginning of some friendly neighborhood stalking]


	6. omake update

**OMAKE UPDATE**

Alice: Why, hello thar.

Welcome to an omake update (btw the next character is Germany send in your questions~!)

Ruslan: So, Alice worked really hard on drawing a picture of everyone who was on the show so far and posted it to deviant

Alice: well, I wouldn't say I worked _too_ hard on… and I forgot Veinciano in I… ehehheheh…

Link: .com/art/hetamania-296125095

N. Italy: WAAAAH! Author lady, how could you!

Alice: *hits multiple time with a spaghetti whip* AUTHOR-SAMA **SAAAAAMA!**

N. Italy: BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~! (TT O TT)/ DOISTU! DOISTU!

Ruslan: calm down wifey.

Alice: o-okay…. -hey! Look it's Japan! Onii-chan! Onii-chan!

Ruslan: *is mentally bombing Japan*

Japan: hello, imouto

Ruslan: *thinking* OH SHET. Where'd the whole author-sama thing go? Or the Sohma-san?

Σ( ° Д ° )

Japan: Imouto, would you like to go to a café' with me?

Alice: okie-dokie~!

Ruslan: *still thinking* (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻ FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

[OHONHONHONHON… why yes, I just did make a love triangle between me Ruslan and Japan~]


	7. Doitsu is scary

Alice: *hiding under a blanket* hello everyone, sorry the dA link got jacked (=_=)

Ruslan: *yawns* oi? What're you doing up so early Alice?

Alice: oh, hi Russy!

Ruslan: some sleepover, huh?

Alice: sure was!

Ruslan: I believe the quote of the night was "shut up! This is like mission freaken impossible"

Alice: I thought it was double-O ninja…

**- I don't want to bore you all (I check my traffic regularly, and allow me to say, I FREAKEN LOVE YOU! MARRIGE! MARRIGE! MARRIGE!) so I'll give you the short version:**

**KK, Macy, and I all had a sleep over. Macy forced me to eat a bag of takis, which I hate because they're spicy ****L **

**So, My brain was malfunctioning or something, and I went (read: ran like a chicken with its head cut off) to get some water, which I dropped when the power went off.**

**It took about 20 minutes for us to all get to the couch, and when we were trying to navigate our way in the dark, I started crawling on the floor.**

**Then I started rolling, and they got on to me about rolling on there feet.**

**Which is when I said the mentioned quote…**

**Then we all curled up on the couch and watched paint it white! On Macy's portable DVD player**

**THE END-**

Ruslan: the short version is long…

Germany: gutan-taug, is this the set of hetamania?

Alice: EEP! *dives under blanket*

Ruslan: Yes, it is… you are?

Germany: I'm Germany, nice to meet you.

Ruslan: touché…

Alice: *peeks from under blanket* g-gutan-taug…Deutschland

Japan: ano… I brought tea….

Alice: ah! Arigato! Xie-xie! Graize! Gracias! Danke! Spasibo!

Japan: wow, imouto, you really are a smart one, knowing all those languages… *pats head*

Alice: *blush* well, I… don't know those languages… I really only know a few words in each at most…

Ruslan: Alice, we have a guest.

Japan: I'll be going then.

Germany: is this not a good time…?

Alice: no! sit down! I-I have questions! I swear!

Germany: um.. Okay…

Ruslan: *whispers to Alice* you didn't get any questions AGAIN, did you?

Alice: *nods*

But.. I do have questions!

Okay!

Well, first, what do you think about germacest?

Itacest? Personally I really like it, and that one doujins, warabeeee, MAN was that some hot junk!

But I usually only like it when it's seme!Veinciano… which usually means yandere!Veinciano… which I don't mind AT ALL… and that will most likely lead to him raping Romano…. Which I love, I mean, c'mon-

Ruslan: *puts hand over Alice's mouth so she'll stop rambling about her fujoshi hobbies*

Alice: *blushing wildly* eheheheh… so… yeah….

How about the weather?

On this game mycandylove, there's this guy who would kinda look like you if he slicked his hair back.

Also, send me naked pictures of Veinciano, they inspire people to review~!

Germany: germa…cest it's an incest pairing isn't it? *sigh*

Alice: C'MON YOU KNOW YOU LOVE IT! KOHO, KOCHI, NICHU, NIKO, ITACEST, GERMACEST, AMERICEST, THE LIST GOES ON~!

Ruslan: *takes away Alice's chocolate covered wafer Easter eggs*

Germany: I do not like germacest…

It is not my business what the two Italies do in bed… *shudders at the thought of yandere!seme!Veinciano*

Ah… the weather is fine, thank you.

I have never played that game before… it's a dating Sims game, correct? Maybe Japan knows something about it….

Well, naked pictures won't be hard to get admittedly, but, I sorry but I will not send any to you.

Alice: well, that's all, REVIEW! NOW! c'mon peoples… I've only dropped hints so far, but now I'm strait out begging!

Ruslan: ( ._. ) *looking at Easter egg package* she already ate them all…

Alice: how bout this! The 10th reviewer gets a one shot! Yes, it will either be short and crappy, or long and rambling and crappy, but seriously, it gives you more publicity~! Because, see it goes, I mention you in the description, they see your name and search you, then they read your stories! WIN/WIN SITUATION!

Ruslan: Alice, it's time for bed.

Alice: NO! NO! NEVAAAAAAAAAAAR~!

Germany: goodbye everyone.

Canada: So I'm next, right? I've been here the whole time and no ones said anything….

**MEIN FREAKIN GOTT!** My longest chapter so far! YAY~! I rambled so much…. Oh well, so Canada's next, review, yatta, yatta, yatta, bye! Ore-sama and I are about to meet up at Autria's house for our annual 'lets annoy Austria!' session.

Also, not jacked dA link:

.com/art/hetamania-296125095?q=gallery%3Alenkagamine-az%20randomize%3A1&qo=0


End file.
